We scoured the web for the craziest casino antics and most hilarious gambling tales. Below are our Top 5 Picks for Funniest Casino Jokes. Enjoy.
Best Casino Jokes #1: Blondes Do Have More Fun
A blonde and her friends go to Vegas for a “girls weekend.” Upon arrival, the blonde heads immediately to the casino lobby’s candy machine. She stands in front of it, puts two coins in, and turns the knob, after which, a candy bar falls out.
The blonde picks up the candy bar, puts it in her pocket, then slips two more coins into the slot and turns the knob. Again (of course) a candy bar falls out and, again, she puts it in her pocket.
She slips another two coins in the machine, turns the knob and retrieves her candy bar.
A man standing nearby studies her. Confused, he asks, “I’m sorry, Miss, but I have to ask…What are you doing?”
The blonde turns to him, annoyed and says, “Uh…hello? What does it look like I’m doing? I’m winning.”
Best Casino Jokes #2: Pray for Pay
Question: What’s the difference between praying at church and praying at the poker tables?
Answer: At the poker tables, you really mean it.
Best Casino Jokes #3: Breaking Bad Made Easy
Question: How do you get a sweet little old lady to curse?
Answer: Get another sweet little old lady to shout “Bingo!”
Best Casino Jokes #4: No Confidence Vote
A man comes home from work and finds that his wife is packing her bags.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To Las Vegas!” she says. “There are men there that will pay me $100 to do what I do for you for free!”
Calm, the man scratches his chin for a moment, then begins packing his bags.
“What are you doing?” his wife asks.
“I’m going with you,” he replies. “I want to see how you’re going to live on $200 a year!”
Best Casino Jokes #5: You Get What You Pay For
After vacationing on a discount cruise ship, a man tells his friend about his disappointment at the ship’s casino.
“They don’t even have Keno,” he says. “Instead, a girl just comes to your table and says, ‘I’m thinking of a number between one and ten….”
Honorable Mention: To Tip or Not to Tip…That Is the Question
A blackjack dealer at an upscale casino is discussing the etiquette of tipping and if it is necessary to tip a dealer with a player.
The player says: “The dealer is not responsible when I receive bad cards, just as he’s not responsible when I receive good cards. If both my good are bad fortune are the result of pure luck, why should I be obliged to tip the dealer?”
The dealer replies: “Do you tip the waiter when you dine out? Of course,” the player says. “Thus, according to your answer, I am right, and players should tip,” says the dealer.
The player, confused, asks why.
“A waiter serves you dinner,” the dealer begins, “but he doesn’t make it. The quality, then, is not relevant to whether he is tipped or not. I deal cards in the same way. As you said, your good or bad fortune is not mine to make. Therefore, you should tip me.”
“You have a point,” the player concedes, “but are missing one crucial detail. A waiter gives me what I order. Therefore, I’ll take a Queen, please.”